In the End
by megsovereasy
Summary: A one shot Derek's point of view. DASEY, Please rate! Rated T for slight language.


_It starts with  
One thing I don't know why  
It doesn't even matter how hard you try_

Try. I tried. Yeah, me. Derek Venturi. I tried at something for once in my life, only to have it explode right in my face. I guess that's only expected. No one ever anticipated for me to succeed in anything, anyway. Except for _her_. She believed in me when everyone else had given up. She looked past the crappy grades, the careless bad-boy attitude and saw me for who I really was, not who others made me up to be.

_Keep that in mind_

_I designed this rhyme_

_To explain in due time  
All I know  
time is a valuable thing_

Sooner or later, I let myself fall for her. A mistake. I mean, this was Casey. There were already so many strikes against us. No, forget it. There's no such thing as an "us". There never would be. But I swear to god, she used to feel the same way. I know it. Yeah, we swatted each other around a little bit and maybe I'd push her buttons once and awhile. It was actually the way I showed…affection, you could call it. I wouldn't ever be able to tell her how I felt in words. Cuz' behind my smirks and sneers and the bold front I put up, I was a coward.

_Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings  
Watch it count down to the end of the day  
The clock ticks life away  
It's so unreal  
Didn't look out below  
Watch the time go right out the window_

Time was running out; I didn't know it then, but every second I was wasting away was crucial. I wanted her to be mine and mine alone. Each thought that ran through my mind revolved around her, even if it was vaguely. She made me want to pull my hair out when she glared at me and god forbid, _sing_ when I saw her smile.

_Trying to hold on_

_but didn't even know  
Wasted it all just to  
Watch you go_

I tried to tell her. Tell her how much she meant to me, how I wanted to be there for her. She wanted me to do it, too. I could see it in her eyes. There was something stopping me. Maybe it was my fear of rejection, or seeing the look of disappointment that would settle upon dad and Nora's face that I had grown to know so well, the thing that I never wanted to see again. Casey got sick of waiting.

_I kept everything inside and even though I tried_

_it all fell apart  
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time_

_when I tried so hard  
And got so far  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter_

Max. The bastard. Couldn't she see that he was a tool? That he would never ever love her the way I did? I crumbled inside. The memory of my fingers running through her hair felt like a false, mocking dream.

_I had to fall  
To lose it all  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter  
One thing I don't know why  
It doesn't even matter how hard you try  
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme  
To remind myself how  
I tried so hard_

Keeping it all together was nearly impossible. Not when I have to face her everyday, wake up to her and end my nights with a picture of her pressed into my memory. So hard. Especially acknowledging the fact that I missed out completely. That I had my chance and I let it slide. The only girl I ever loved, and I passed her up.

_In spite of the way you were mocking me  
Acting like I was part of your property  
Remembering all the times you fought with me  
I'm surprised it got so far  
Things aren't the way they were before  
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore_

Nothing will ever be the same. The fights I once enjoyed so much are nonexistent, seeing how I barely speak as it is. We make sure our eyes never meet, and we keep our distance, making sure we don't ever have to touch. I'm empty- as she left, a huge part of me left with her.

_Not that you knew me back then  
But it all comes back to me  
In the end  
You kept everything inside and even though I tried it all fell apart  
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard  
And got so far  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter_

It hurts._ I_ hurt. And not like a scrape on the knee or anything, which you can just patch up and forget about. Derek Venturi would never previously admit to pain. I would scoff and shrug it off. Not this. I would rather break both of my legs than live with this for the rest of my life.

_I had to fall  
To lose it all  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter  
I've put my trust in you  
Pushed as far as I can go_

Heartbreak is something I thought I'd never undergo. I was too strong, too conceited, too stubborn. Saying that I'd fall in love is like saying that I'll succeed. A zero to one chance? It had to be one, because Casey stole my heart…and never gave it back.

_For all this  
There's only one thing you should know  
I've put my trust in you  
Pushed as far as I can go_

Does she look at me the same way as she once did? At times, I'll see a glimpse of it, but now mixed in with the- longing, is it?- there's sympathy. I don't need sympathy; I need her.

_For all this  
There's only one thing you should know  
I tried so hard  
And got so far  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter_

I tried…I failed.

_I had to fall  
To lose it all  
But in the end  
**It doesn't even matter**_


End file.
